Life's opportunities and challenges!

Hi everyone!

I have not had a chance to blog for ages, so I decided this morning that in spite of work pressures I felt like blogging! I don't even know if anyone reads them actually, not that it matters I suppose, but if you do, will you leave a comment or two so that I know? I think I blog more for my good really, than for anyone else to read!

I have had an extremely challenging year from many angles, and I thought it would be nice to explore them a bit and see how I have fared. I have literally built bridges, travelled to adventurous places, steered my career to new levels, coped with incredible emotional ups and many downs, had killer work pressures and deadlines to meet, had fun and some special romance, passed some crucial exams and so much more. There is NEVER a dull moment in my life.

Firstly, family wise: my children all moved out at various times over the last two years, and I had to adjust to the vast emptiness that leaves behind with it. Not that I was sad that they are able to leave and go ahead with their own lives, it is more an adjustment to arranging suppers or times together with them and the challenge of keeping in touch as they forge their new lives, and get busy. We still love to do things together so it is great when we do get together. I would like to do it more often in the new year.

The other huge challenge for me was that Kevin's parents aged considerably virtually overnight and it has been very difficult balancing family commitments, running a home, career and meeting their endless needs compassionately. We are alone in this with no help from any other family members so it means we need to be on 24 hour standby, and drop everything if they need shopping, or doctors visits or medicine or if they fall or are ill or lonely and cook them meals etc. We do it with love, but it can wear you down to the bone, and is exhausting and back breaking to spend a great deal of the night up with an ailing parent and then to be ready for a full days work on your feet that same morning.

My career has been taking huge amounts of time as it just blossomed out this year. No money yet, sadly - we still live from month to month, but I am hoping to put some meat on the ribs this year coming. I have been laying the foundations and lots of amazing opportunities have presented themselves! But with these opportunities came LOADS and LOADS of work and stress because it was new and mostly unknown. I met deadlines that would make your hair curl, and achieved instant 'knowledge' of stuff i had never heard of the day before, and I had to learn everything from scratch and then be good enough at it to 'train' it the next day. Nearly everything had to be created from scratch. HOURS and hours of work. I didn't know I had it me! :)

Financially - we are hoping that with all kiddywinkles out of university, and working at last, we will be able to get on our feet a bit. It is always a struggle, but not any different to what we are used to. I just wish the amount of income = the amount of work!! that would be nice.

Kevin is as patient as he can be, and tries to understand. He always supports me fantastically but I think there were times when he felt the stresses and the neglect of family time that I had to forfeit often due to work load. He is more than wonderful with helping when it is needed.

I hope next year is still full of challenges, but I would like it to be a little easier, less busy and more money maybe? I want more family time and more fun definitely. I will drive the landy more. We'll see - as my one friend would say - que sera sera!

Upington!

I have just come back from a lovely walk along the banks of the Orange River, aka the Gariep Rivier. It is beautiful, a perfect oasis, winding through a desert landscape. A long necked water-bird swooped down right into the water and caught a fish almost as big as he was!

The early morning flight I was on gave a full picture of the vast expanse of the landscape around here, very harsh, dry, broken only by the huge winding river.

I am staying in a lovely place called Africa River lodge. Very comfortable. I still have some last minute preparations to do tonight, but tomorrow my training venue is less than 2 minutes away! What luxury. :)

hospital and tiny creatures!!

I am lying here with an excruciating headache. that's not an unusual symptom of tick bite fever. (tbf) Yes, can you believe it, I went for a walk with my daughter in our local park, and found tick firmly attached between my toes when i bathed that night. I kinda expected the TBF, but not the complications I got too which landed me in hospital.

You see to put it in non-medical terms: what i got was:

tbf + mental + physical exhaustion + too much emotional STRESS = happy holiday for nasty virus buggy things, which kick you when you're down - nice hey!? which = doctor sending you off to hospital = £$R = more stress!!

Anyways, here i am back at home with an excruciating headache! :)

They say:

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but I choose to be from the Heavenly gang, and angels hath no fury!" - by me, in one of my contemplative moments

Building bridges on woman's day!

Watch this space! more details to follow


START....Finish....

Not sleeping at night!

Night time is for sleeping - that is what I have always said to people who tell me that they pace the floor or count sheep all night or lie awake for endless hours thinking things through! Well, guess what! I have joined the wakeful night society now too. It is subtle, and it is not every night, because sometimes I am so exhausted I fall asleep into a deep coma!

But lately I have been lying on my bed, eyes wide open for hours, just thinking. Churning thoughts and emotions over and over in my head. I feel as if I am churning up an ulcer! It is awful! Your body is tired, you want sleep so desperately and you crave a respite from the endless thoughts and unreasonable fears that then crop up - those irrational fears that only the dead of night can bring, and then the sunshine in the morning makes those very things you were afraid of seem silly.

Someone told me that our irrational fears are real and need to be treated as real, silly things like hating it if you are in a room and the door is closed or locked, (causing panic rising up in you) or like crying in front of people - (Panic that you feel your tears gives 'other' people the right to make decisions for you and takes away your control)- those kind of 'silly' fears! But I didn't get to ask what next, what do you do about them? How do you deal with them? Do you need to deal with them? I wonder? Who knows, anyone out there know?

I miss my peaceful sleep, miss the good night's rest, and I am starting to pay the price for it physically and emotionally a bit. Maybe I need a good decent long holiday! :)

Space space space.........

Boy, do i have space now! All the kiddy winkles have moved out, and although Kirk still has a load of stuff to fetch, we have a home that has loads of space! Life is completely the wrong way round, for example: we have space when we don't need it anymore, and money when its not as vital, and can afford a large car when a small one will do, and wisdom when its not valued, we have freedom when we're too old to enjoy it!! I think I want to grow up to be a kid!

I am enjoying myself - rearranging everything, finding a place for all the camping gear, making the flat nice - . the new tiles in the bathroom worked out so nicely! I will take a piccy or two once finished and post it here -> ....

I also learned that to love those people who we should care about, is the way life is meant to be, even if they are difficult, obnoxious, ungrateful or fussy. When you show love, and are kind and gentle, you feel good about yourself, and pass on love to the other soul! Not always easy, but always necessary. So, just love! :)

Headless chickens!!

I often dream about getting it all together one day. you know, eating well, sleeping for at least 8 hours, pacing the stress into bite sized chunks instead of huge helpings all the time, going regularly to the gym, drinking all those glasses of water we're supposed to, all that sort of thing. Lately i am not even getting one of those things right. Pace of work, too much on my plate, all these things driving me - no time to relax. My head knows this is not a good balance, I teach about balance, I should be an expert at it, but I cannot seem to get off the hamster wheel long enough to take a breath, and gain my composure.

I was thinking in the bath the other day that dead people no longer have a responsibility or have a care in the world. they do not have to get up early on cold winter mornings anymore, and they have no more of those stressful big decisions to make, about heaven or hell, or anything, but anyway, before I cause any panic about my doleful thoughts, let me reassure you that this is not a death wish, but more the thoughts of a humorous idea of the advantages of being dead - quite a few I could think of!! :) (it's my dad's fault, I think I inherited his dry sense of humour!!)_ its like the joke about the tick bird and the cow in the field - the tick bird is relishing some fat ticks and the cow says, "how can you eat those yukky things?" And the tick bird says, " Try one, you'll like it - just try it!" "you won't know if you like it until you've tried it!"

On that cheerful note, let me say I have come through another CHALLENGING week! What learning experiences I have had - growth and stretching, and working with great people!

A busy weekend!

We have had a really lovely outdoor weekend! Hardly been home and its been great!
yesterday was Nikita's birthday and she is now 8 years old! Maureen says she is now really growing up.

Today we did a 3 hour hike up a a very steep hill at the back of the botanical gardens, the weather was great and sunny, (except for a chilly wind that blew cold every now and again) and we actually got quite a bit sunburnt despite some sun block cream smeared all over. You can see for miles up there and we had fun. Kevin actually got us lost!!!! (this is unbelievable) we took quite a scenic adventurous detour.

When we eventually, after fighting our way through thick thorny ouchy brambles, got back down we grabbed our picnic basket, flask of tea, and blankets, sat near the stage on the lawn and listened to a live jazz band play some great stuff, and just simply relaxed.

My son moved out today to his own place - scary because he is the last child to leave home, and we shall miss him - but our children must move on in their lives and they must move out! We all helped with some of the moving and luckily being only one person he did not have a lot of stuff to carry up those stairs. His new place is lovely and he can make it very comfortable! I am not going to know what to do with all the space and all the quiet now!! As parents you know the time has to come for your children to leave but it is always a sad time and yet a happy time, and sometimes - ABOUT TIME!! :)

Shirley Loves Landy!

I love our landy. It is old, steers like an old dodgem car at Gold Reef City, brakes skew - pulls to the left, and is very slow at responding, but i love it!







I drove the truck again today, and managed to get there and back without any mishaps!! It is scary, but I am gaining confidence every time. Double de-clutching is still a major co-ord challenge for me, but I am getting there!

Last weekend we took it to De Wildt out at Ga-Rankuwa way, to a deserted place and drove it through the most amazing places - it was cooool fun. We got jammed against the embankment in one spot where the angle was quite challenging. Kevin hates angles, but we thought we could do this one and it landed up being worse than we thought and scraped the side quite tightly - no harm done though, minor scratch that's all.



It was surprisingly warm and we had a picnic on the top of tennis ball hill -a very loose rocky slippery climb to the top. I had to get out and move one offending rock! Super woman watch out for my muscles!!

One of my favourite photos taken by Kevin!

Hauntingly beautiful!
This photo was taken by Kevin at the lake near our home when it snowed the other morning.

freeeeezing weather!

Hi Everyone!

We had snow! Real snow. Kevin woke up and looked outside and then quickly came to call me out of my warm bed, to see the snow all over our garden. It was beautiful.

This is me - playing in the snow! Crystal clear morning with white, soft, fluffy snow- lovely! The world was transformed into a winter wonderland. i have never been that close to snow in all my life. We had some fun throwing snow balls at one another, but it was freezing in our hands.

My daughter Loren came to play too!








I loved the snow on the conifer fir trees in our garden, and the way the snow was cupped in the leaves of the shrub plants. It looked magical and so pretty, but as a friend of mine would say: 'the reality is' I don't think they will survive that amount of frost - i can see I will be gardening from scratch again!


Our back garden!

Jazz and the Rock 'n Roll Blues....

Wow! What a night! Steven, Chantal, Kevin and I were treated to some great music. Jazz and Blues share a similar history way back early 1917! This music is still great today. We went to our local theatre on Thursday evening and had a few hours of fantastic music. Louis Armstrong, BB king, some Jazz greats from New Orleans stuff.

What a combination of musical instruments - clarinet, cornet, trombone, bass, banjo, drums. The 6 men became one with their instruments - great stuff! So laid back, but the music was lively and we were dancing in our seats.

After interval we were given a wake up call when young, modern hippie looking, cute (a cute dimple on his one cheek) Dan Patlansky played the blues. I have never heard or seen anything quite like it. His bass guitarist - Errol Fellows, strolled onto stage, (What a character) shook hands with the pianist who was busy bashing out a a fantastic lively piece of music, at the shiny grand piano, took off his shoes, showing BRIGHT RED socks, and with his huge white beard,



white hat and dwarf like build, started playing in time with the piano piece - wow!


We were warned it would be loud, and it mostly was. Dan is able to do something magical with those electric guitars - 3 beautiful Fender Stratocasters, his tongue darts in and out comically in concentration, and his body and head contorts as if the guitar is attached to his bones. He is passionate and plays blues and rock n roll like he means it!

He swaps guitars, effortlessly. Goose bumps traveled all over my body when he played this song that he composed when he was on tour in new Orleans and Hurricane Katrina hit. I could picture the storms and the wind, the devastation and the pain - it was an ominous moody chaotic piece of music, beautifully matched, as he created the hurricane there on stage.

I could imagine his long curly hair blowing back from his face as his Fender Stratocaster squealed, screamed and screeched, in agonizing music, competing with the voracious winds and stormy seas. It was loud, moody, different tempestuous, a music feast. Dan is brilliant, and the audience knew it, but didn't seem to appreciate it- half-hearted applause! We, and a select few from the audience, loved it and cheered -yeah! loudly and whistled for more. At times the music was soft and tuneful, with a flick of his wrist on the knobs of the strattie, he spoke to us with expressions and shades of moody music. His singing was gruff and low, sexy, reminded me of someone-MK-(when he sings that hauntingly beautiful 'Brothers in Arms'); a touch of BBKing; a little like Louis Armstrong??


http://www.danpatlansky.co.za/

http://www.southernmusic.net/1910.htm
http://www.southernmusic.net/bbking.htm

"What Dan Patlansky can do with a six-string Fender Stratocaster at the age of twenty five, most critically acclaimed guitarists will never quite achieve in a lifetime" Jason Curtis

Up duck days, and down duck days!

I had a coffee mug once with a duck on the one side facing head up and waddling across the porcelain, and another duck on the other side with his head down .

I was going through a difficult patch in my life at the time, and warned my friends and family that if the mug was facing the up duck side on the shelf, I was fine, but if it had the down duck side facing, then watch out, don't come near me, I am really down.

But then I just had to laugh one day when I had it facing the down duck side, and my sister came to visit. She stared at the mug for a while and then she said, "you know, even though this duck's face is down, his bum is still pointing high up into the air!" - :)

Global warming and fashion shows.. I feel a blog coming on...

Hi

This morning has been incredible already and its very early in the morning still! Firstly, It is a stunning beautiful day, the sun is shining and it is a little chilly, but not demotivatingly cold, just jersey cool. It is a clear day, and the sky is spectacular, a vibrant lovely fresh shade of blue.

My two gorgeous dogs were really very friendly and loving this morning, and so full of energy and bounce. I will have to take them for a walk today, despite being quite busy with lots of work to do in preparation for a busy week next week.

My precious hubby brought me a fabulous cup of coffee, just the way I like it, with a piece of homemade marmalade toast, without me even asking, and read me some very funny jokes from his forum.

My daughter and I have decided that we do not know enough about current affairs, and so we realise that we need to become more aware, and know more about what is going in the world. (Kev even knew that there is a global warming summit happening somewhere... could be because it is winter here and everyone has a heater on!)

What started that was that we were talking about being self-aware, and we said that you cannot change your basic personality, but you can change your behaviours, and attitudes and approaches. We spent far too long on the phone talking about this, but discussing major important issues about things does take time. :)

We have so much still to learn - Miss South Africa , was quoted as an example: She is stunning on the outside, but also on the inside and is so confident and poised, and she radiates great real inner beauty. She is elegant, and gentle, and holds herself so upright with good posture.

Also, what about Ed Jordan? He was talking on 3-talk apparently and when it was his turn to discuss the Sun City event about art, international chefs, fashion and celebrities he was so articulate and spoke eloquently, he exudes confidence too. He used powerful words, like " You will be bombarded by an explosion of international cuisine from renowned chefs" Another guy on that same program did not really articulate himself so well, and the more effective person was Ed Jordan. Two more people came on to discuss about the fashion and one was smiling and friendly, and one was not.

So, what profound stuff have I learned today from my daughter?

1. Finish your sentences!
2. Be eloquent and project your voice
3. Confidence sets you apart!
4. Smile, it looks better
5. Stunning is 50% on the inside!
6. Who Ed Jordan and John Legend is.
7. You can try to fix a broken vase by gluing it together but it will never be the same again
8. In the words of Megan Coleman: 'Have a vision for your future. Be focused. Know who you are and where you are going. Vision is what gives us the motivation to achieve our goals.'

Some of which i knew already!! :) thanks my precious kid, it was a great conversation!!

Who could ask for more?

Love, Shirley

Kruger Trip for the Satara webcam community!

Us, looking at Satara waterhole!


My daughter is doing a rural trip at a hospital in a really remote spot called Glen Cowie because she is 4th year OT, and is doing a practical session. We had to take her some food and warm blankets. From there we went on and had a wonderful trip to the Kruger over this last weekend, and had some amazing sightings to talk about. It is the first time i have stayed in the Kruger, and it was special.

The pools are full of hippos, and the bird life is fantastic. to give you an idea, we saw A HUGE giant eagle owl perched in a tree right close to Satara camp. He was so clear and so close to us.

this giant eagle owl was perched in a tree right above our car. he was huge and so lovely.

There was a pied fish eagle on a river bridge over the Letaba River, where you are allowed to get out and walk around a bit, and he perched so close to us and didn't even fly away when we came right up to him, we got a photo which i will post soon, then he dived into the letaba river and caught a fish in front of our eyes - it was a spectacular sight.


Us eating at Satara - i could see the waterhole from here!


The one morning we came around a corner very slowly looking for game and as we rounded the bend there was a very cross male elephant. He was walking at a great speed and very agitated,

see how big he is! next to this combi, he looks huge.
we had to reverse quickly and were quite

scared. He was HUGE. The little VW Mk1 golf we were in didn't stand a chance, so we just got out of his way!
this is the angry elephant! he may not look cross in the photo, but he was!

He was swaying his feet as if doing a dance and had such a mean look in his eyes, and he kept coming. A vw combi came up too and after we warned them about the elephant, they drove up to him and even their combi looked small in comparison to him! After a long while we were able to go past him as he moved off into the bush. I wonder what upset him?

Another highlight for us was two impala males fighting, clashing horns and really jousting. It was the first time I have seen that.

We aslo saw many lazy crocodiles, monkeys, baboons, giraffes, buffalo, wildebeest, lion - a mating pair! It was lovely. Also, there were a few lilac breasted rollers around too and lots of hornbills - oh and i saw a hammerkop for the first time! Their nests are unbelievable, i saw the nests in Waterberg, but now I have seen the bird! It is very funny how birds do exactly what the book says they will be doing - you know: " usually perched on a tree stump in savannah type grassland" - and there he is just as the book said! Or "a wading bird, walking slowly in shallow water near to bushveld..." sure thing - there he is, doing exactly that!! these birds must have read the book!!

Our camp was great too and the rondavel we stayed in was very comfortable. There were bat towers where bats perch, and so many elephants- I did not want t come home.
This is Kori Bustard big bird! It is fascinating, and we saw quite a few of them. they are bigger than turkeys!
These were ground hornbills! We were quite proud of ourselves for spotting them because we had to put our name in a book if you spotted one, and we saw 3 that day. Not sure why the fuss about them, but they look like turkeys too, pitch black with bright red parts around their beaks.

How about this terrapin we saw in the Letaba River! I have never seen a wild one. There were several in this river, putting on a nice display for us, and swimming with huge fish!

Freezing Tuesday

The winter woolies came out in force this week! Geesh, it was so cold and as there was nothing great on TV I landed up in my snug and cosy bed quite early with a book, didn't get too far in the book though as I fell asleep, but at least I had a smile on my face and a nice warm feeling in my tummy, because I was thinking about the one person who makes the sun shine brighter for me and my world a special, warm and happy place :)

I think this cold front has hit because the bulls won - rare occurances do bring on cold weather, like gale force winds, sort of like when my son cleans the kitchen behind him, we say watch out for bad weather!! :)

To top it all this morning we woke to a power cut - Horrors!!!! Not a good feeling on a freezing morning! But fortunately there was still lots of hot water in the geaser so we had a nice hot bath and Kevin got the gas bottles singing and we were able to enjoy a good breakfast and begin the day.

I had a good day, apart from a bit of galavanting I got some studying in for tomorrow's exam. It would really be embarrassing if I failed :( so...- watch this space....!


welll.... Passed The dreaded EXAM - Yippeee!!

Bulls & Sharks day

This afternoon we went to the not so local pub, which is quite far, but which my son has a part 'ownership' of, so we must support it, to watch the rugby. Sitting at our table were two sharks supporters, me and Kevin, and two Bulls supporters, Emlyn and Kirk, and two neutral, "we jus like rugby!" people - Marc and Bridgette. Quite a mixed bunch, but we had fun. We were amazed at how the Bulls won in the end, keeping their best until the eleventh hour!!! Very sneaky :) Or... just lucky?...Being Centurion, it was rather a Bulls stronghold, and so we took our lives in our hands supporting the Sharks, but the Bulls seemed a nice mannered bunch and didn't mind us too much! :)
Notice all the blue shirts?? And the teddy mascot? In this photo they are singing Sosholoza.
It was a nice afternoon.

Oh, and Emlyn brought me a present- a yoghurt container, with "Shirley's Hot Stuff" written on it, full of...tea bags, soaked in meths of course!!! And he brought Loren a present too - a baby shower present, but she's not even pregnant yet!! Very strange?:) Thanks Emlyn & Tarryn.

Mornings & New beginnings...

I have had such a lovely day today. Loren and I went belly dancing - it was really fun! I don't think it was the real sort of belly dancing like they do in the Arabian deserts, but it was a good work out, and we had a lot of laughs! :) Loren looks so cute in one of those coin scarf wrap arounds.

www.belly-dance.org (go to the free music and take a listen)

We came home and while all the guys were at rugby, Chantal joined us for a few chick flick dvd's, chocolate cake, cheese and cold meat on crispy rolls, more chocolate, chicken flings and crisps, and chocolate..... mmmmm...

We won the rugby too, both matches, so all round a fantastic day, so, good night now, and sweet dreams everyone. !! :)

Love, Shirley

Life's little twists......

I have just got home from a morning in the shopping mall, have done some washing, had a long afternoon walk, then did some gardening in the warm sunshine - so good for the soul, cleaned the pool, and played with the dogs. It feels good, as I need catch up time to simply chill and allow body and mind to be restored, and regain a clear perspective.

It is a stunningly awesome day, a slight nip in the air, tells us that the seasons are changing. With the changing season, comes a mood in me for change too. Things I need to sort out for once and for all - baggage that needs to finally go!

So, its re time:- revamp, redo, rethink, remake, remodel...

It is just after six in the morning and the sun is catching the tips of the yellow savannah grasslands, and bathing the mountains in a soft golden light, revealing a few sleepy zebras, a steamy mug of fresh cappacino clutched in my hands, grass up to my eyes, ...lovely - a new African morning is beginning! :)

No running water, except the clean flowing Komati River, no electricity, except the static that raises my hair in the tent, this is Africa at its best. No pollution, too high up, no traffic, except the few of us in our Landys, and the kudu, zebras, impalas, rhinos, and more that trek across the hills beyond us. You can tell that no-one has been here recently, not for a long time anyways.


We showered in the open air, from a shower warmed to almost hot in the sun, and I had a ride in Mike's Landy- what an experience!! :) :)

It is a bottle green army type shorty, no roof, no doors, open to the elements. He reminds of me of Pvt Kelly as he lights his 100th cigarette, ducking his head under the dash, without slowing down! I can hear the song 'Burning Bridges' from Kelly's Heroes, playing loudly in my mind as we rattle along over the most roughest ground, grinding our way up hills on loose rocks, and down the STEEP other side again. Fun!! Lots of fun! Our long wild hair, blowing all over our faces.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_VhnAl2BFM&mode=related&search= (go check it out!)



Kevin manoevered our long wheel base series 11a over every obstacle, and had to tow a fellow traveller who had a trailor which prevented him from climbing a steep rocky place, which Kev did so smoothly, that I didn't notice when he had finished! (like waiting for an injection you have had already, and the nurse says, ok done, and you're still wincing expecting the jab!)

Days were spent by the river and driving to see game, picnic lunches on the banks by the hippos, Kim and Mike and the Leimer family actually shampooing their hair in the river,careful not to use too much soap, so as not to disturb nature! (crazy people)







The evenings were spent by the fire all gathered around telling their adventures of the day, until we were all too tired and headed for bed. It was a really great weekend!

songs!

I wrote a song once which was terrible actually, but it was based on a Dire Straits style and tune, and fitted the feelings of my heart at the time, so it was appropriate. Well, this morning a new song came to my mind, and,good or bad, I am going to write the words here, perhaps some musical person could put it to a happy tune?

I've cried enough and
filled the deserts of my life with piles of sand
Now its time to dance and,
Oh how I need to dance...

Fill the streams with running water,
Catch the sparkle of the sun
in the fountains of my life
Come and dance with me,
come and dance around.

Life is so worth living,
there's so much to do.
Fill your heart with laughter,
With a friend or two
Take a look around you
And you'll see....
Life is such a pleasure,
Come and dance with me!

Down..... Memory lane

I really need to be getting my mind around all the work and all the 'important' phone calls I have to make, but my mind keeps taking a path of its own today(tuesday)...ok, like usual I know!

Its just that there is so much on my mind, it feels over full, bursting - new ideas, excitement of something that is in the pipeline soon to come, mixed with a whole bunch of rock bottom sadness at the passing away yesterday of my Mom's very special marriage partner and dear friend and companion. He was a very special man, quiet and unobtrusive, fitting in with all my Mom's lovely friends. It will be hard for her now, to be alone, and not have the companionship she is so used to.

I am alone tonight, Friday, just for the weekend, and i enjoy a little alone time, but to be alone forever...scary bleak thought.

My son and his wife, invited me for supper tonight, Friday - I have completed this blog entry over a few days! It was lovely! A tasty chicken curry, yum, yum. My son has a CD collection of note, and I was looking through all the titles and Shantal brought out an 'old' album with lots of songs on that I can remember. It was fun looking at them on the cover of the album- like Mammy Blue, and Cliff Richard stuff, Elvis, Bee Gees, and so much more. We talked about that song by Janis Ian - Run too fast, fly too high... I love that song - it must have been a once off for her, because I have not come across her again. We spoke about some romantic movies too, like: French Kiss with Meg Ryan, and KelvinCline, and fools rush in, and others.

When I got home the neighbourhood patrol waited at my gate to see me in safely, nice of them I thought. You feel safe when there is someone there. You are very vulnerable at the gate when you have to get out to open it and drive in. When I am not alone this does not bother me. It kind of reminded me of the convoy days when tavelling in Zimbabwe from Harare to Beit Bridge, to go on holiday to South Africa, there was that sense of being protected and being part of a community.

It is late, I am tired, and I am going to bed. Tomorrow is another busy day at the computer! :(
So much work to do still, never ending piles. thanks for staying up with me, Good night!

a time for change

I should not be blogging!! I am swamped with work, and feel like a prisoner trapped between my computer and the chair and responsibilities, and when I look at the never ending piles, I guess its going to be ... well forever!!

But, as I was working my mind started to wander, and I think I really need a change. Not just a small little insignificant change, like a holiday or something, I'm talking HUGE change, life changing change, massive upheaval, enormous changes.. get the picture? I have a dream... a few actually, and I need to start to make them happen and soon. Perhaps it is just my mind playing up after being so engrossed in mass levels of solitary concentration all day, but if I don't make a change soon I am going to explode! :) not pretty.

My dreams have no substance yet, and are like wisps of mist, causing frustration and discontent, but perhaps that is also a way of stirring me out of my comfort zone...(what, a comfort zone? What is that? I don't think I have one, so perhpas it is some comfort and some quiet I am looking for?)

being alone, good wine, cheese, herbs....and other stuff

I came across a few sad stories and blogs of lonely hearts on the net, blogging about being alone, needing hugs and a friend or a partner to do stuff and while my heart went out to them I thought that maybe all those lonelies should try out the real world for a while. Cyber space can continue to be a lonely and dangerous , and perhaps also far too safe and comfortable place and while I know of a few great relationships that have begun over the cyberwaves, they are very few and far between, and you don't know who you are really talking to actually.

So you sit alone at your computer lamenting about being simply just that- ALONE, and while it is some comfort to spill it all out on the net, it occured to me that maybe they would actually meet a real person if they got involved with real stuff- like a hiking club, or a cooking class or a good loving local Church or whatever. I know its hard to meet people today despite the fact that we are mobile, in contact and all that, but just a suggestion- try the real world for a while - let me know how it turns out lonely hearts?

Anyway, that's not why I am blogging today. I am supposed to be doing work right now, but I have a few things to blog about, so here goes....

I was actually thinking about cheese - I love cheese - all types except the very smelly cheese - the kind that you have to hang outside for fear of being accused of harbouring a dead cat somewhere in the house! I thought I loved Brie more than Camembert, but recently discovered that I really like Camembert, on those delicious biscuits - those flat ones called Carr, which you battle to get anywhere. The reason I am thinking about cheese is because the other day I had been working particularly hard, and it seemed like a really nice idea to chill out on the cool lawn outside in the garden, with an excellent bottle of wine, the good company of my husband and some really great cheese. (Steven gave us a bottle of Lamotte 1999 Cabernet Sauvignon- Deliciously fruity like Christmas!!) It didn't happen though because we have a series 11 a landy and that needed our attention, so I found myself passing diff gaskets, handing over ring washers and looking for yellow handled screwdrivers instead - also a good stress reliever I suppose.


That also brings me to herbs, which have been on my mind too lately. Home grown chillies, sprigs of very fresh parsley, great smelling basil, I need to get a really good herb garden going. We have a few herbs in pots around the garden, which yield wonderful fresh seasoning for pasta dishes and chicken creations, but for a while I have an idea of bringing all the herbs closer to the kitchen, in really attractive pots and having labels on them, so I don't put sprigs of fragrant Lavender on the roast lamb!! :)


And that brings me to photography - I NEED to get myself a camera urgently. Yesterday while taking the dogs for a walk to the bird sanctuary, the sun was behind a thick black billowing cloud and rays of gold were shooting out from behind the cloud which had a beautiful golden lining - too beautiful to describe with words, but a breathtaking photo opportunity, MISSED. No camera. I love African veld grasses, blowing and catching the sun, what photo opportunities!!

Time after time

Hi

I have not had the chance to blog for ages, as you can see, so here is a quick one before my day begins.

We saw our friends from Australia off as they left yesterday for wider oceans, and higher mountains as they got on a plane to head for France, where they will spend a month, before going to the UK. It was really great having them, we had some fun, and many memories were surfaced and lots of reminiscing about when our babies were small in Zimbabawe- wow! it was great. One of the things they enjoyed was when they went with Kev to the Apartheid museum, an interesting experience which I want to do too, as I was working and couldn't join them. It seems to be very well done, I will tell you about it once I have been.

They LOVED the bush experience, and went to Kruger for a few days and then with us to my favourite spot in the Waterberg, and we had a great time. I didn't really realise that Australia doesn't have the wild kind of animals like we have. So Dave and Janine were amazed by the elephants and the zebras and giraffes, and all the other beasties Africa has to offer. I hope it was an unforgettable and especially special experience for them. I hope to tell you more detail about it all when I have time.

Anyway, I am up to my eyeballs in work, so I had better get started. Speak soon, thanks for reading so far, love, Shirley

a few ramblings, and this n that

how's this blog I wrote a while ago, boyz oh boyz... sometimes i wonder?

I just got back from a lengthy walk with my two dogs. We went to the bird sanctuary, again, lots of open thinking space for me, and running around space for them, in the rain. well actually it was more like a slow drizzle, but boy, we all needed it! I have been cooped up all day and was desperate for some fresh air and exercise. They walk so beautifully obediently together like a harnessed team, on my left as though they have always done that -two huge dogs, one blond, one black, in perfect step.

I have been trying to work all day, and you know what? I have got.... absolutely nowhere!! All that wasted time. Sometimes i wonder why I do this stuff, it is way too hard, and who am I trying to kid? I just kept hitting blank moments of what now, and how and why. My mind is full of Porters 5 forces stuff and Supply chain management, but it doesn't seem to help. There are areas in my work I feel great in, full of confidence and fully capable, but then there are those that leave me feeling like this.

If you can just allow me to briefly have a moment?...: I am feeling sooooo inadequate right now. Why don't I choose a simple job I can do? typical me, always choosing a challenge, always floundering in the deep end. I don't know why i do this. what am i hoping to achieve at the end of it all, what am i trying to prove? I have an ever present offer of help, but you know, I would love it if I could rise above this and do it MYSELF. When will it happen, when will I reach that stage? I never know when to give up do I...thanks, moment over, back to the challenge.

Anyway, on a much needed lighter note, I must tell you about last night. We were invited to a lovely birthday/ new baby Braydon, supper at our friends, Emlyn and Tarryn. we had to bring any food starting with the letter B. We all landed up cooking there and just brought the ingredients with.


His friend, Dewalt did brinjal slices with mustard, salt, pepper and cheese grilled on it as a starter, yummy delicious, Emlyn did a baby leek, butternut & brinjal dish, baked in a banana leaf bowl that he made - also yummy delicous, and Kevin did a Barillo pasta, with basil and whole tomatoes and Vermouth - very yummy too.

We finished it off with a tiny banana pudding in condensed milk and 'engeltjie piepie' honey stuff drizzled over it, extra yummy! Ironically all the men were the cooks - i have a picture to prove it, and will post it on soonest. Emlyn & Dewalt are both professional chefs. What a tantalising to the taste buds meal.

The table decor was whole bright green huge banana leaves with blood red rose petals - quite different. We had a fantastic evening - just a quiet meal with good friends, outside by the fire. beautiful warm summer evening. And, Emlyn used my tea bags in meths idea, which I learned from my friend Richard, to light the fire, which he also learned about from his friend Dewalt!!! Yay, at last, someone used it!!! It really works!!










It was also Diane's birthday yesterday and will be Kev's soon. quite a busy birthday time.

It is friday evening and I am working.

...you've just got to be strong....

I have had an amazing week in many ways. Firstly, I have been on an emotional roller coaster, and very very down, but am starting to gain a perspective again, slowly and painfully, but getting there. The week started out with a trip to Secunda and the first day of training began in earnest. 33 people was my christening number! ordered to be there, so not very enthusiastic, but we warmed up to each other quite soon and at the end of the day, I got some nice evaluations. the one thing you learn in training is you cannot please everyone!!

I don't enjoy being away from home, but staying at a very nice hotel in Secunda, and eating in a lovely restuarant with a glass of red wine, outside in the summer air overlooking this beautifully kept lake with lawns really caps a hard day. the rooms are very nice and comfortable, with free access to internet, so it's generally not too bad. I tuck into bed as early as possible with a good book, and relax!! A bit lonely, but what can you do?

Day two was also very full and hectic. 39 people this time, a full class. At the end of the day I am exhausted, but I can go home because Wednesday's training is me being a delegate and involved in a terrific team of people. Wednesday was also a long hard day, which ended in a party - a sort of valentines theme, with some of the talented people singing - goose bumps stuff!! I was so proud to be a part of that team, they have really done something very right. Lots of great team spirit and enthusiasm there. I had to write an exam, don't know my results yet, so watch this space!! it could be bad news though because I was not able to attend the training all the way through, so some of it was guess work. The team each got a laptop and a caddy car to use - Wow! It was heartwarming to see people previously unemployed being so wonderfully spoilt, and motivated and to see them smile and feel their appreciation. What an experience. Such love and kindness is not often witnessed in the business world. And, I was part of it!!:) The venue was Esselen park - built by Italian prisoners of war and used by the railways now as convention and training centre -it is a very grand set of buildings and magnificent gardens - the train is a picture on the wall, and the other picture is the party.

Thursday was also spent back in Secunda. the venue was challenging- a huge empty theatre basement, with no acoustics and huge desks which formed a barrier between me and my 30 delegates. My voice was lost into the concrete pillars and HIGH ceilings, and the huge empty stage behind me echoed as we talkied. I battled to hear the delegates an they battled to hear me - frustrating is an understatement, and I found myself more exhausted than ever after that.

any way, the good news is - I will be away next week to my very favouritist spot in SA, which is my secret where. I will tell you more when I am there. I cannot wait :) a whole week there- heaven. MMmmmm... watch this space - a restoration is about to take place.

Here is a picture as promised of Bagheera. He lies right by my feet everyday. He learns very fast, and can come on command, sit right in front of me and lie down on command already!

I have enjoyed the chat, so will be back soon again, this blogging can really be so fun. Bye, Shirley

..but you know, you know it 'aint easy...

Hi all,

PS: I started this blog on Saturday, but am only finishing it today - M onday, so if there is confusion, that's why!

I have discovered that dog training is really about training the owner! I have to learn the correct commands to give him, use the right words, in the right tone, and I must stand up straight, and I must not confuse the dog, and, and and.... Boy, I didn't do too well either, my mind was way elsewhere, but Bagheera did well, he was very curious about all the other dogs, and ignored the meaty treats I had with me. Kevin had Largo and she on the other hand is fantastic and is too advanced for the class actually, she needs a promotion. She heels, sits, lies down, comes to you when called and dives in the water bowl at tea time!

Life can be challenging, this week has been one of those for me. I know it is not a new concept that girls can be very emotional and i am no exception - hot blooded female every inch!! So, I have discovered that men are different when it comes to emotions - they can be quite cool while you are in a turmoil! I wonder if its because they need to fight wars and stuff? any way, I survived the week.

Our lovely friends arrived from Australia - Paul & Debbie, they hadn't changed a bit, and we recognised each other immediately! We took them straight home for a dinner, which I had cooked during the afternoon, and guess what? - Even though the rice was in a colander above the pot of water, I managed to burn it!! - don't ask....

I had to leave them this morning and come to Secunda to work, and I will be here tomorrow too, and then again on Thursday. Wednesday I am working in benoni way - and then enjoying a Valentines dinner where the whole team of 100 of us are being sent on our way after intense training for a few weeks. It is going to be lovely as there will be a talent show put on by the teams, and there are some great talents amongst them, I cannot wait. for instance there is a opera singer called Thandi, she has a beautiful voice, and a few dancers, should be really fun. the men sang Sosholoza the other day, and I got goose bumps, man, it was good. such a fun atmosphere.

I have to prepare for tomorrow, I have a challenging day ahead tomorrow with 33 people to stand in front of. I have only received the stuff I am going to use tonight, so I better get on with preparations. You have a wonderful evening, I am in a lovely hotel room, with all the comforts and an inviting bed, which I hope to hop into very soon, so Good night!

Shirley

...and life goes on...

Hi,

You know, gym is a fantastic way to relieve stress. I know because I was stressed out tonight and I did the body conditioning class with the energiser bunny and we sweated huge drops onto the floor!! But what a de-stress!! The music was great, and the pace relentless, but I kept up ok. We go for an hour non-stop. The energiser bunny is like a machine - she doesn't stop. great work out!

Our new dog is lovely. he is really placid, and fits into the family well. Largo and him have not stopped playing all day, even though he is not meant to have exercise until he is healed fully - he was castrated by the SPCA - regulations! Poor thing. He was in pain yesterday and is a bit better today. Kevin and Loren chose a name for him - Bagheera- well at first they wanted Diago, but that is too close to Largo, so that doesn't work, so Bagheera it is. I did ask him what his name before was, but he doesn't understand at all, so we will never know will we? It is quite a challenge getting a young adult dog with habits learned already. He is soft and gentle, and hopefully is house trained. :) he seems to be, but we have just started to get to know him. We went for our first walk today and he is not used to being on a leash and does not heel, but tries to walk between your legs not next to you. He was really good though and tried to please. His paws underneath are raw and sore probably from the concrete floors at the SPCA. Largo loves to play with him too, and she has the friend she needed again.

Any way, I am worn out and tired, so hitting the sack!
See ya!
Shirley

Great Preparations

We had a lovely day today. We are expecting some friends from Australia soon, and Kevin and I have been moving the camping gear around in the flat to make some space for them to stay in. We also did some more gardening and I planted some periwinkle plants to cascade over the rocks near the water feature, Kev planted some ferns and hen 'n chickens in pots, and Largo jumped into the pool for a swim! It was a lovely day, and we ended our hard work sitting in the garden with a nice relaxing cool drink to the tune of a fantastic pink glow and soft colours all round the garden- African sunsets have to be the greatest. It has been very hot lately, and the pool has been such a blessing. Kev and I have been enjoying our swims.

Another weekend almost over.

Bull frogs and lily pads

Watch out !!:( - this is a warning!! - this blog may contain paragraphs of gloomy content!! Read it at your peril.

Isn't it amazing that when you walk so many thoughts come into your head. I find it quite therapeutic actually - sort of self examining! :) I just got back from walking our dog to the bird sanctuary and open grassland up the road from our house, and as she was frolicking like a mad puppy and leaping around like an overjoyed bunny rabbit in the newly mowed grass, it occured to me that I seemed to have completely lost my sense of humour! I was feeling a little down,- you know how it is,- like when you feel all gloomy as though you are missing someone special - perhaps too much work pressure and not enough fun?, and lately I have really had many stressful things on my mind, lots of 'things to do' on my shoulders, and some rather emotional issues pressing on my heart.

I needed the work, mind you, because those of you who may work for yourself and have your own business, know that no-one else does it for you, and to meet the never ending line of expenses that crop up, you work and you work hard - ALL the time!!

It made me realise the importance of having a balance in our lives, some work and some play, but when deadlines loom, there seems to be no time for fun, and even fun seems like an effort to have! :))

Back from the walk now, I feel a little better, a bit of perspective again, and a renewed sense of optimism. So I now feel more ready to face another week ahead.

It was an interesting and exciting week just passed, let me tell you about it. among some other things, I was a delegate for a change, on some very valuable few days of training, and I will hopefully receive a certificate for a video they took of me in action, and then i have to write a computer based exam. There are definately great opportunities if you are willing to look out for them, and this was one of them! Also, one of the contracts I am part of a team for is finally happening and the client gave us some relevant dates at last, and a few dates set for some other work in March too, as well as some work for a public company that also came up really made for a good reason or two to celebrate!! So a good week really and I felt like it was a bit of harvesting time, for a lot of hard work I have put in.

Our dog Largo had a companion until quite recently, when Reggae, our gorgeous little pitch black French poodle died quite unexpectedly recently. Largo has been acting very strangly since then, and quite clearly needs a friend to play with! She has been hanging herself from the windows in an attempt to get in the house, and chasing her own tail in a game of 'pretend it is another dog biting my tail' and then charge off like a mad thing round and round the landy! Well, today Kevin and Loren went to the SPCA to see what is available there and a most delightful 18 month old labrador - golden colour, chose them. He is perfect age, and house trained - BONUS, and is so gentle and loving and instantly took a liking to them! Guess what? Now we have another dog to add to the family!! I will post some pics soon once i get some. We just hope he likes cats - or else my lovely fat cat will be most put out, and may even leave home? - Naahhh, Fat chance of that happening - BUT, she will take an eye out or two if she gets a chance.

Well, enough blogging my heart out today, speak soon, love you all,
Shirley

One step up!

It is Sunday afternoon, I have just had a lovely relaxing bubble bath, well deserved I might add because we have really been busy today! I have had an idea in my head for ages about what to do with my front garden, and today, with the ever willing and much valued help of my son in law, Paulo, my daughter, Loren, and my husband Kevin, the four of us worked really hard, and the end result is lovely! Now just to keep our dog Largo OUT of it!!! as she loves to dig in that spot, so for now we have had to prop up a piece of pool fencing in front of it to try to keep her out - I hope it works because much hard effort went into that garden. We have two beautiful pots with a plant in each, and a water feature in the middle. I planted some little tufts of special grass and some ferns to complete the effect.

Here is a photo of our finished garden to the left of our front door.

I am also preparing for our friends who are coming to stay with us for a few weeks from Australia, so I am fixing up the flat for them, and making it comfortable. We want them to have an unforgettable stay, and I have been planning a trip to one of our most favourite spots in the Waterberg for them and some
day-trips to game reserves in the area. I am very excited about it, and can't wait, and will share some of it here on the blog with you, so you can be a part of it too.

It was my DIL Chantal's birthday on the 25th January, so we went to their home and enjoyed a lovely party with them and their friends with good food, and lots of chatting and fun. we had to dress up in the 80's style - plastic bangles and earrings, bright colours wide belts with huge buckles, and high 'up to my eyes' jeans and doc martin shoes - well surprisingly I still have some of that fashion hanging in my cupboard - that is terrible I am ashamed, but my daughter and Diane thought it was very funny though, until I pointed out that my daughter should have worn nappies and baby grows because that is what she was wearing at the time!! :) The music was great, and we had fun.

God bless, speak soon, (This blogging is fun after all!) Shirley

Still climbing

Today you can be impressed! I drove our Series 11a landrover through town, double de-clutched up and down the gears without grating them, and managed to get our dog Largo to dog training without a fifty car pile up! for those of you know anything about a Series Landy you will know what an achievement that is.





We came to Johannesburg from Rhodesia, now known as Zimbabwe, and my husband used to come home in these old landies from time to time as he worked in the BSAP. They were fun and exciting vehicles, so a year or three ago Kevin wanted a hobby to occupy him and so we decided to get our own one, and found a long wheel base 1969 series 11a for sale. It is a full time hobby, and an expensive one.

We left Zimbabwe quite a bit reluctantly to come to South Africa to start a new life here when Kevin was needing a better job opportunity. Our two beautiful twin sons, Kirk & Steven, were only just over two years old at the time, (people used to say 'wow twins must be double trouble!', but I said 'no they are double blessings!') and a few years later our lovely daughter Loren was born here in SA- what blessings children are! they are all grown up now, and Steven, who works for a Diesel Engines company and is a mechanical engineer married his long time special friend Chantal this last year in May and live in a lovely home in Sunninghill, and Loren, who is completing her 4th Year Occupational Therapist degree, and her husband Paulo, who is a qualified BMW Technician are married a year already and live in Struben's valley in their beautiful home too.

Kirk has just graduated as an Optometrist after 4 very hard years of study at UOJ and he has began working daily now in a practice in Johannesburg, which he has an opportunity to buy if it works out for him. He is dating Diane, and they hope to get married and get a home of their own soon too.

My children are a constant inspiration and support to me and they all love the Lord Jesus Christ, so family gatherings are happy, noisy events which I love and look forward to.

I had lived for 21 years all over Zimbabwe up until coming to SA and had a happy free and wild childhood with many fond memories to think back on. There were also some challenging, interesting and exciting times too. I may share some of them from time to time.

Now, after 31 years of marriage to Kevin there is much to reflect on. God has been a solid rock all through my life, and as I look back I can see where He has been and how He has taken care of us even when we didn't deserve it. He is merciful and kind and a loving Father, and as I face the challenges ahead of me this year and feel that a change is brewing, I pray He will continue to be there and a part of my future.

Getting going - up the bean stork!

A few friends have been 'nagging' me to start a blog telling me how much fun it is, and then inspired by a family I know who have began one to keep their friends informed of recent changes happening in their lives, I decided there is no time like the present, it is time to start one, so with a little intrepidation, here goes...