Down..... Memory lane

I really need to be getting my mind around all the work and all the 'important' phone calls I have to make, but my mind keeps taking a path of its own today(tuesday)...ok, like usual I know!

Its just that there is so much on my mind, it feels over full, bursting - new ideas, excitement of something that is in the pipeline soon to come, mixed with a whole bunch of rock bottom sadness at the passing away yesterday of my Mom's very special marriage partner and dear friend and companion. He was a very special man, quiet and unobtrusive, fitting in with all my Mom's lovely friends. It will be hard for her now, to be alone, and not have the companionship she is so used to.

I am alone tonight, Friday, just for the weekend, and i enjoy a little alone time, but to be alone forever...scary bleak thought.

My son and his wife, invited me for supper tonight, Friday - I have completed this blog entry over a few days! It was lovely! A tasty chicken curry, yum, yum. My son has a CD collection of note, and I was looking through all the titles and Shantal brought out an 'old' album with lots of songs on that I can remember. It was fun looking at them on the cover of the album- like Mammy Blue, and Cliff Richard stuff, Elvis, Bee Gees, and so much more. We talked about that song by Janis Ian - Run too fast, fly too high... I love that song - it must have been a once off for her, because I have not come across her again. We spoke about some romantic movies too, like: French Kiss with Meg Ryan, and KelvinCline, and fools rush in, and others.

When I got home the neighbourhood patrol waited at my gate to see me in safely, nice of them I thought. You feel safe when there is someone there. You are very vulnerable at the gate when you have to get out to open it and drive in. When I am not alone this does not bother me. It kind of reminded me of the convoy days when tavelling in Zimbabwe from Harare to Beit Bridge, to go on holiday to South Africa, there was that sense of being protected and being part of a community.

It is late, I am tired, and I am going to bed. Tomorrow is another busy day at the computer! :(
So much work to do still, never ending piles. thanks for staying up with me, Good night!

a time for change

I should not be blogging!! I am swamped with work, and feel like a prisoner trapped between my computer and the chair and responsibilities, and when I look at the never ending piles, I guess its going to be ... well forever!!

But, as I was working my mind started to wander, and I think I really need a change. Not just a small little insignificant change, like a holiday or something, I'm talking HUGE change, life changing change, massive upheaval, enormous changes.. get the picture? I have a dream... a few actually, and I need to start to make them happen and soon. Perhaps it is just my mind playing up after being so engrossed in mass levels of solitary concentration all day, but if I don't make a change soon I am going to explode! :) not pretty.

My dreams have no substance yet, and are like wisps of mist, causing frustration and discontent, but perhaps that is also a way of stirring me out of my comfort zone...(what, a comfort zone? What is that? I don't think I have one, so perhpas it is some comfort and some quiet I am looking for?)

being alone, good wine, cheese, herbs....and other stuff

I came across a few sad stories and blogs of lonely hearts on the net, blogging about being alone, needing hugs and a friend or a partner to do stuff and while my heart went out to them I thought that maybe all those lonelies should try out the real world for a while. Cyber space can continue to be a lonely and dangerous , and perhaps also far too safe and comfortable place and while I know of a few great relationships that have begun over the cyberwaves, they are very few and far between, and you don't know who you are really talking to actually.

So you sit alone at your computer lamenting about being simply just that- ALONE, and while it is some comfort to spill it all out on the net, it occured to me that maybe they would actually meet a real person if they got involved with real stuff- like a hiking club, or a cooking class or a good loving local Church or whatever. I know its hard to meet people today despite the fact that we are mobile, in contact and all that, but just a suggestion- try the real world for a while - let me know how it turns out lonely hearts?

Anyway, that's not why I am blogging today. I am supposed to be doing work right now, but I have a few things to blog about, so here goes....

I was actually thinking about cheese - I love cheese - all types except the very smelly cheese - the kind that you have to hang outside for fear of being accused of harbouring a dead cat somewhere in the house! I thought I loved Brie more than Camembert, but recently discovered that I really like Camembert, on those delicious biscuits - those flat ones called Carr, which you battle to get anywhere. The reason I am thinking about cheese is because the other day I had been working particularly hard, and it seemed like a really nice idea to chill out on the cool lawn outside in the garden, with an excellent bottle of wine, the good company of my husband and some really great cheese. (Steven gave us a bottle of Lamotte 1999 Cabernet Sauvignon- Deliciously fruity like Christmas!!) It didn't happen though because we have a series 11 a landy and that needed our attention, so I found myself passing diff gaskets, handing over ring washers and looking for yellow handled screwdrivers instead - also a good stress reliever I suppose.


That also brings me to herbs, which have been on my mind too lately. Home grown chillies, sprigs of very fresh parsley, great smelling basil, I need to get a really good herb garden going. We have a few herbs in pots around the garden, which yield wonderful fresh seasoning for pasta dishes and chicken creations, but for a while I have an idea of bringing all the herbs closer to the kitchen, in really attractive pots and having labels on them, so I don't put sprigs of fragrant Lavender on the roast lamb!! :)


And that brings me to photography - I NEED to get myself a camera urgently. Yesterday while taking the dogs for a walk to the bird sanctuary, the sun was behind a thick black billowing cloud and rays of gold were shooting out from behind the cloud which had a beautiful golden lining - too beautiful to describe with words, but a breathtaking photo opportunity, MISSED. No camera. I love African veld grasses, blowing and catching the sun, what photo opportunities!!

Time after time

Hi

I have not had the chance to blog for ages, as you can see, so here is a quick one before my day begins.

We saw our friends from Australia off as they left yesterday for wider oceans, and higher mountains as they got on a plane to head for France, where they will spend a month, before going to the UK. It was really great having them, we had some fun, and many memories were surfaced and lots of reminiscing about when our babies were small in Zimbabawe- wow! it was great. One of the things they enjoyed was when they went with Kev to the Apartheid museum, an interesting experience which I want to do too, as I was working and couldn't join them. It seems to be very well done, I will tell you about it once I have been.

They LOVED the bush experience, and went to Kruger for a few days and then with us to my favourite spot in the Waterberg, and we had a great time. I didn't really realise that Australia doesn't have the wild kind of animals like we have. So Dave and Janine were amazed by the elephants and the zebras and giraffes, and all the other beasties Africa has to offer. I hope it was an unforgettable and especially special experience for them. I hope to tell you more detail about it all when I have time.

Anyway, I am up to my eyeballs in work, so I had better get started. Speak soon, thanks for reading so far, love, Shirley

a few ramblings, and this n that

how's this blog I wrote a while ago, boyz oh boyz... sometimes i wonder?

I just got back from a lengthy walk with my two dogs. We went to the bird sanctuary, again, lots of open thinking space for me, and running around space for them, in the rain. well actually it was more like a slow drizzle, but boy, we all needed it! I have been cooped up all day and was desperate for some fresh air and exercise. They walk so beautifully obediently together like a harnessed team, on my left as though they have always done that -two huge dogs, one blond, one black, in perfect step.

I have been trying to work all day, and you know what? I have got.... absolutely nowhere!! All that wasted time. Sometimes i wonder why I do this stuff, it is way too hard, and who am I trying to kid? I just kept hitting blank moments of what now, and how and why. My mind is full of Porters 5 forces stuff and Supply chain management, but it doesn't seem to help. There are areas in my work I feel great in, full of confidence and fully capable, but then there are those that leave me feeling like this.

If you can just allow me to briefly have a moment?...: I am feeling sooooo inadequate right now. Why don't I choose a simple job I can do? typical me, always choosing a challenge, always floundering in the deep end. I don't know why i do this. what am i hoping to achieve at the end of it all, what am i trying to prove? I have an ever present offer of help, but you know, I would love it if I could rise above this and do it MYSELF. When will it happen, when will I reach that stage? I never know when to give up do I...thanks, moment over, back to the challenge.

Anyway, on a much needed lighter note, I must tell you about last night. We were invited to a lovely birthday/ new baby Braydon, supper at our friends, Emlyn and Tarryn. we had to bring any food starting with the letter B. We all landed up cooking there and just brought the ingredients with.


His friend, Dewalt did brinjal slices with mustard, salt, pepper and cheese grilled on it as a starter, yummy delicious, Emlyn did a baby leek, butternut & brinjal dish, baked in a banana leaf bowl that he made - also yummy delicous, and Kevin did a Barillo pasta, with basil and whole tomatoes and Vermouth - very yummy too.

We finished it off with a tiny banana pudding in condensed milk and 'engeltjie piepie' honey stuff drizzled over it, extra yummy! Ironically all the men were the cooks - i have a picture to prove it, and will post it on soonest. Emlyn & Dewalt are both professional chefs. What a tantalising to the taste buds meal.

The table decor was whole bright green huge banana leaves with blood red rose petals - quite different. We had a fantastic evening - just a quiet meal with good friends, outside by the fire. beautiful warm summer evening. And, Emlyn used my tea bags in meths idea, which I learned from my friend Richard, to light the fire, which he also learned about from his friend Dewalt!!! Yay, at last, someone used it!!! It really works!!










It was also Diane's birthday yesterday and will be Kev's soon. quite a busy birthday time.

It is friday evening and I am working.