Night time is for sleeping - that is what I have always said to people who tell me that they pace the floor or count sheep all night or lie awake for endless hours thinking things through! Well, guess what! I have joined the wakeful night society now too. It is subtle, and it is not every night, because sometimes I am so exhausted I fall asleep into a deep coma!
But lately I have been lying on my bed, eyes wide open for hours, just thinking. Churning thoughts and emotions over and over in my head. I feel as if I am churning up an ulcer! It is awful! Your body is tired, you want sleep so desperately and you crave a respite from the endless thoughts and unreasonable fears that then crop up - those irrational fears that only the dead of night can bring, and then the sunshine in the morning makes those very things you were afraid of seem silly.
Someone told me that our irrational fears are real and need to be treated as real, silly things like hating it if you are in a room and the door is closed or locked, (causing panic rising up in you) or like crying in front of people - (Panic that you feel your tears gives 'other' people the right to make decisions for you and takes away your control)- those kind of 'silly' fears! But I didn't get to ask what next, what do you do about them? How do you deal with them? Do you need to deal with them? I wonder? Who knows, anyone out there know?
I miss my peaceful sleep, miss the good night's rest, and I am starting to pay the price for it physically and emotionally a bit. Maybe I need a good decent long holiday! :)
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3 comments:
I can very much relate.... I've had a few tossing/turning/brain too busy nights in the past few weeks and it starts taking its toll.
I'm glad that many of my fears have turned out to be unfounded - but it's sometimes still a struggle to quiet the mind and simply rest. Those things have to be faced, hunted down and stomped on many times, or simply shrugged off in the interest of moving forward. Yet it isn't easy.
Hope you get some solid sleep soon. And a holiday! :-)
If you can't sleep get up, make a cup of tea and read a book, or blog a bit :)
Thanks Michelle I like the idea of moving forward - not always as easy as it looks! But point taken. and nuts bolts and me... well I am not in the right frame of mind to read a book, but thanks for sage advice!! I think i liken the holiday idea best. :)
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